- Los Angeles Magician For Hire – Zach Waldman

Posts Tagged ‘Adult Parties’

For four years I taught an enrichment program at elementary schools called MatheMagic.  I know what you’re thinking, “Wow, math AND magic, that’s a recipe for pussy.”  Let me just say, teachers are freaks and I’ll leave it at that.

Basically, I taught kids K-6 how to do magic tricks based on math instead of sleight of hand.  As a result of these classes, I booked a lot of children’s magic shows.

Over time, I got too busy to continue teaching the classes.  My main business has always been high end private parties.  I book most of these events by performing public magic shows in Los Angeles at places with great clientele.

Frankly, I was also a little fried on doing these gigs.  I’ve been performing paid magic shows for kids since I was about 14.  I love the little germ ridden bastards, but I’d had enough.

With rare exception, I now pass all kids’ shows off to magician friends I know will do a great job.  This is a story about one of those exceptions.

I really like the family that hired me for this show.  I’ve done both adult parties for them as well as birthday parties for their little one.  This was my third time doing their kid’s party.

When I arrive, I find out I’m performing outside.  Here’s a tip for anybody hiring a comedian or a magician.  Outside sucks!  The acoustics suck, audience management sucks, cards blow around, props get dirty, and if I didn’t mention it, the whole thing sucks.  Many of my magic shows in Los Angeles have been outside but I rarely take these gigs, no matter the price.  That’s how much I hate performing outside.

Next, I see all of the kids are in the pool.  Once they see me, they of course scream and come running my way.  I threaten to kick them if they come near me and that holds them at bay.

When I go to where I’m supposed to perform, the chairs are set up in a perfect ‘L’ shape.  Why not just have me perform in the round?  Here’s another tip if you’re hiring a comedian or a magician.  We hate people behind us or on the extreme sides.

As a comedian I want an audience close together and all in front of me so I can easily connect with everybody.  Obviously, magic is harder to see if some people are in front of you and others are to the side.  For instance, if I make a playing card visibly change from one to another only half the audience will see the effect.

I tell the soggy children to dry off while I set up for the show.  They take this to mean they should jump back in the pool.  I try to stop them, to no avail.

There are about four or five parents just staring at me.  They make no effort to help. Frankly, they look beaten down.  Their faces are shell shocked and zombified.  I realize I’m officially the babysitter.

All of the kids at the party, with the exception of one or two, are ten year old girls.  Trying to get them to do anything is like herding cats.  Only, cats don’t scream in each other’s ears for no apparent reason.

I know a lot of these kids because they were in my class at one time or another.  Also, I’ve been doing magic shows in Los Angeles a long time and you’d be surprised at what a big, yet small city it is.  Funny enough, one parent asks why I don’t teach MatheMagic anymore, as shrill, wet children run around us, nearly knocking over a table.  After he asks, he kind of nods before I answer like, “Never mind, I understand.”

Once the show is set up, I get the chairs arranged in two rows in front of me, and I’m ready to start.  I want to perform new material because these kids have seen me so many times before.

My first effect goes great.  The response is huge, it’s new, and I’m on my way to doing a great show.

I hate to say that any magic trick is easy to do.  Even the easiest effect requires a great presentation, showmanship, and a lot of other things that take years to learn.

With that said, the effect I’m about to perform is the easiest trick in the world.  I’ve been performing it for about nine months and I love it.  It’s a torn and restored newspaper trick, except the paper is already torn up.

The magician that teaches the effect is named Mark Mason.  He carefully explains the workings and points out that if you do this one thing wrong, the trick won’t work.

Seriously, I couldn’t believe he bothered to explain that one thing.  It’s very obvious and you’d have to be an idiot to mess this effect up.

Normally, I would reach into my case and pull out pieces of torn up newspaper one by one.  I make up news stories about the birthday girl and other ridiculous stuff.  Each piece of paper gets me a bunch of laughs.

On this occasion, I pull out one of the pieces of newspaper and all of the girls start screaming.  I turn it over to see what’s on the paper and it’s nothing weird.  It’s a woman in a bathing suit.  It’s a real newspaper so she isn’t naked or anything.  She didn’t look like this:

However, now that I’ve turned the piece of paper over to see what they were screaming about, they start screaming even louder. So, of course, I turn it back over to see what’s on that side.  It turns out to be a guy in a bathing suit.

Without giving away the secret of the trick, it just so happens that this bathing suit piece of paper has to be in a particular place for everything to work.  I’m in this crazy cycle of turning the pieces of newspaper back and forth with the girls screaming at different levels each time I turn it over.

I’ve got to be honest, I was thrown.  It’s been a long time, and I don’t know what did it.  Maybe it was the shrill course of screaming, or perhaps the lack of parental supervision, but I got flustered.

In my haste, I actually do the one thing that messes up the trick.  That’s right; the one thing I didn’t think was even worth explaining.  The one thing I said was so obvious only an idiot would mess it up.

Normally, I take all of the little pieces of newspaper and in one swift movement the newspaper is restored.

Now, I gather the little pieces together and the newspaper sort of restores and the audience starts to clap.  Then, everything suddenly turns into confetti and there’s this kind of, “Awwww” sound.  It’s like they started to see a miracle and instead got garbage.

I make some jokes about the trick and how I really don’t know what I’m doing.  Who knows what I’m saying but they’re laughing.  I make the person recording me promise not to put it up on YouTube and move on.

The rest of the show goes great and the kids take off to smash a pinata.

It was an awesome event.  After I was done, the party moved to the front yard and this guy had these beautiful sheep herding dogs doing amazing stuff.

For instance, he hid a bunch of objects around the yard and then he would hold up a sign with a letter on it.  If the letter was M, the dog would find the toy monkey that was hidden.

The most amazing thing was how well the dogs listened.  To be honest, as I watched this man’s incredible show and the kids ran around like lunatics, I thought, “Wow, those dogs behave better than the children.”